


Golden Birthday at Rainbow Falls

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Cloaca, Dubious Consent, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 04:43:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In celebration of John's birthday and a journey one third done, Davesprite brings Jade and John to Rose's house for the time honored teenage tradition of raiding his Mom's liquor cabinet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Golden Birthday at Rainbow Falls

The party was winding down. The battleship's iron halls wore half eaten cake ever color of the light reflecting of an oil spill, and the oven-baked goods would no doubt be gobble up by consorts for breakfast. Everyone had gotten sick of the Ghostbusters game when it became obvious that the thing had been programmed the emotion of hate. If you took too long between clicks of a double click an item was ejected instead of used, nothing had higher than a two percent drop rate, including experience, and the quest that raised the level cap from twenty to forty could only be taken by character over level thirty. It was complete bullshit and Davesprite got his sanctimonious revenge by tracking down the biggest beastie the game had to offer and slaying it single handedly through flagrant abuse of clipping and shittily programmed AI routines. It had only taken four hours, plus the time scamming everyone of their gear in preparation. When it dropped a single uncommon healing potion and no experience points Davesprite decided to call it quits.  
The cavernous battleship hallways were mostly vacated. There was no day or night on their exodus, just an ever-present green glow from one the horizon to the other, as much as the ship's deck counted for a horizon. Davesprite drifted listlessly from room to room of herptiles and monochromatic foot soldiers, till he finally spotted the shocking blue of his friend's hoody. The bucktooth heir swung a rubber ball back and forth in the air with his wind, completely entrancing a wide-eyed Jade, ready, wiggling and waiting for that little red ball to fly. Somewhere nearby a party whistle blows an awkward note.

Sup Jade, Egbert?

Hey Dave

John looked up, and the ball hit the ground with a plop.

Davesprite!

Jade immediately forgot the whole idea of fetch, and tackled him to the ground. Davesprite tried to fly up out of her reach, only to be struck from behind a sudden sendification later.

Watch the wings, Jade, geez.

Davesprite rolled out from under her, despite her forlorn whimper, and dusted himself off. 

These beauties don't preen themselves. How can I launch my avian Pantein line if I can't do the slow motion plumage toss that makes the guys and gals wet if you've gone and mussed them up.

Pfft, except they do. Sprite's bodies work the same way godhoods works. I'm part sprite as well, I know how these things work mister.

Jade tried to make her eyebrows as angry as possible, but instead just sort of squinted at Davesprite's nose.

So what are you kids doing this side of the ship anyway?

Davesprite tried to ignore the way Jade seemed to be eyes his nose hungrily. He recalled reading somewhere that bird beaks boiled in broth were a delicacy in some islander tribes. He hoped that wasn't tribe Harley.

I dunno, just bumming around. I mean the party was great and all, but there's really not much to do on this ship.

Egbert sometimes I think you're the densest material known to man, then I realize that's not technically true because man can never know you, your atoms are just too dense to be picked up by any modern instruments. You're the event horizon of not realizing. The only reason we know you exist is because of the black body radiation your body emits.

Dave, are you rhyming at me?

Kinda, sorry, habit. Skaia wasn't considerate enough to let me hear my no doubt awesome strife theme. Why couldn't your granpa program in a bgm while he was setting this shindig up?

Wait, are you saying you just go around, humming and rapping your own little theme songs whenever you were out doing things?

Oh like you didn't do the same thing. If you promise to leave me out of it you can give my other guy as much shit as you like and don't tell him you heard it from me.

Nu uh, I'm not sitting on this for another two years. Also if you're talking about a black hole, it's hawking radiation not black body radiation, and since when did you know anything about physics?

Jade punctuated with prods to Davesprite's chest.

Does that matter? It eats up everything and emits its own stuff no matter what you point at it. And shitily citing comedy blogs aside, you talk in your sleep. I've heard more of your dreamself's junior physician spiels than I care to remember. Shit, I could probably scrape the rust off with a quick skim of a 101 book and get myself a cushy job as some cooky scientist's understudy. Wait, do scientists even have understudies, or is that just actors?

I think that's just a circus thing, what are we even talking about?

Right, Egbert. You're dense.

He jerked a thumb a John. 

Jade, you're not much better. You’re moping around board when you've got a whole solar system in your pocket. Wait, you don't literally have them in your pocket do you?

You mean these?

Jade reached into her clothes and levitated out the five celestial bodies she'd plucked from their session. 

Jesus fuck Jade, you just carry those around like that? Aren't the denizens still on there? Aren't they, like, suffering cataclysmic earthquakes and tidal waves and stuff every time you go for a jog?

I'm not stupid, Davesprite. I just did my spacey thing to stick some inertial dampening on them.

You can do that? How does that even work? Don't you have to counter every single little force with an exact opposing one?

Nah. I'm sure time travel is way more complex to pull off.

I think you just made the opposite point to what you wanted to but still a fair point.

Do you think any of the denizens look like Kim Delaney?

Who?

She played the leading doctor in that earthquake movie, 10.5

John that movie was a joke! They completely fucked up every single thing about tectonics and nuclear physics!

Jade snarled through bared teeth. 

Whatever, that movie was great. You're just too caught up on silly details to appreciate how great it is.

I swear to gog, John, I will cut you.

Jade, can you drop the gog already. You’ve worn the poor word down to a hollow shell of its former self, robbed of all majesty, and now it's just a dirty napkin you won't throw it and keep wiping your mouth with.

Like you're one to talk. I've not seen you go a single day without making at least one stairs jokes.

Okay, that's completely different. That page and everything on it is a piece of flawless, platonic perfection that can never grow old. Gog can't hold a candle to these heavenly stairs.

You say that about every SBAHJ page, Dave.

That's because it's true, but some pages are more perfect than others. We're getting off track here.

What track were we on, again?

Wait, that's right. Density.

Jade hit her palm with her fist in enthusiasm. 

What? No, the other thing. The lands. You can just explore the lands whenever you get bored.

Geez, what's the point? I've already seen everything there.

Jade, not everyone has spooky witch eyes that can see forever. You can show me and Egbert all the really cool places where the dev's stuck all the easter eggs like things that display penises as a certain time of day or characters they like from their japanese animes and stuff. But not right now. It's Egbert's birthday, and it’s time for him to become a man.

Dave, I am not going to have sex with some prostitute pawn you found.

What? No, John you sick fuck. For one they literally revere you as a god, rather than just some dork in blue pajamas like a sane person. That's got to be some sort of ultra-incest thing. Or whatever they call abuse of power. What do they call it when teachers or babysitters do it? Doesn't matter. I'm not talking about exoskeletal nookie, I'm talking the post-apocalypse worth of booze stashed in Rose's house.

We can't drink, we're underaged.

We're two gods and some sort of harpy-dude. I think the Greeks have us covered. Besides, who’s going to charge us? I don't see any carapace cops around.

What about Nanna?

She's an old person. Old people are all about drinking. We'll just shut her up with two gallons of gin and tonic, or whatever it is that she does drink. I mean apart from Nanna, who else is gonna tell us no? The scalies and the bugfolk that hold nothing but reverence for your eminence? 

Isn't that the same abuse of power you were talking about earlier?

Not even slightly. Come on Egbert, getting drunk without your guardian finding out is a modern rite of passage, and has been ever since they brought in a drinking age. Jade, you're with me, right?

I guess so.

Come on, don't be like that. This isn't some peer pressure thing; I just really want you to do it.

Davesprite that is peer pressure.

Nonsense. I'm just one dude, my pressure ain’t peer level.

Well if this is meant to be about you initiating John into manhood on his birthday, shouldn't I keep out of this?

Okay, the birthday is just an excuse or rather now's as good a time as ever. Come on Jade, you can become a man with us.

Ugh, this is starting to get stupid, but alright. In exchange, you have to do our dumb ideas on your birthday

Done.

Being victim to spacial manipulation was accompanied by the same feeling of lime and coconut being filtered through the skull as it always did. It was a feeling Davesprite had learned to attribute to the feeling of the laws of physics contained in his head crying out against the much weirder reality and then suddenly being silenced. Sorry you old geezers but it turns out if a girl with doggy ears and an overbite wants atoms the size of a planet then you're just going to have to deal with it, and I hope you choke on an electron. 

The three of them appears just inside the front door of Rose's house. The rain pattered like a pacing cat on the roof and windows. The whole place was starting to smell rather musty after a full year of moisture and neglect. 

Hey Egbert, this place stinks like the inside of your Nanna's secret handbag, can we get some circulation going here?

Sure thing. John Egbert, Heir-

Egbert don't you fucking dare

-Conditioner extraordinaire

That's it, you're tequila doing shots. Where did she leave the salt?

Davesprite navigated the halls on instinct, the familiar pathways folding just as he remembered. He ducked into the kitchen to grab a few things then lead his companions to Rose' mother's private booze boudoir. 

Is it actually okay for us to be in here? I mean I kinda feel like we're intruding.

It's fine. Rose knows the score.

Davesprite drifted behind the bar and started laying out some glasses. 

Wow that's a nice view

Jade ran over to narrow window and peered out over colorful chalk landscape. 

Why does this place have transporterwhazit?

John cautiously toed the edge of the engraved platform in the center of the room. 

It leads to Mom's room. I guess she liked being able to grab a nightcap on her way to the lab or something

Davesprite shrugged. 

Now, we've got vodka, tequila, rum, gin, whiskey, bourbon, absinthe, Everclear, and some stuff that smells like window cleaner...actually I think that was window cleaner.

He sniffed the bottle. 

Yup, that's definitely window cleaner. Well not today.

Davesprite poured the bottle down the sink with no small degree of satisfaction. 

I bet you never thought I'd go back in time and get revenge, did you window cleaner?

What did the poor window cleaner ever do to you?

It lured my poor, unsuspecting self in by being in the vicinity of alcohol, then tormented me for three days and three nights with unspeakable tortures too obscene to describe to a minor.

You mean those minors that are about to drink without supervision?

The very same. Hey, see Egbert, you're looking forward to this already, but you still haven’t picked your poison. You too, Jade.

I dunno, I've never drunk anything before. How am I supposed to know what I'll like?

Whiskey it is. Don't worry; it'll put hairs on your chest."

Davesprite plucked a bottle from the shelf with his tail, and along with a synchronized effort of both hands, lined up a glass and made a whiskey on the rocks in one step. He slid it across the counter, overshot, and launched it right off the edge. 

Oh shit!

John threw out the breeze, and suspended the glass in mid-air. 

Fuck, I guess I'm out of practice. I'm probably going to have to relearn all my cool bar tricks from scratch.

The thing with the pouring was neat. You looked like a real highbrow soda jerker. Maybe when we reach the new universe you could open up a bar of your own or something.

John swirled the glass around, making the ice clink. He didn't actually know why, but he'd seen it in plenty of movies so it seemed the thing that you do do with alcohol and ice. 

Hey, that'd be kind of sweet. I could get people to spread conflicting rumors about my history, and I can give people life advice, and I can serve drinks in weird shit like Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff brand Klein Bottles. Then you guys come around, and everyone's like 'DUDE, isn't that the god of wind?' and I'm like 'yeah. we hang' and you're just playing the Ghostboster's pinball machine I ordered in from Chinatown, New Jersey.

Hehehe, and when the other Dave comes around you can switch places with him, and everyone wonders where your wings are, or if they just imagined it, but they're too afraid to say anything. That would be the best prank.

Hold that thought and swallow your drink. Remember, down in one. Jade, what do you want?

Oh uh...I'll have a cruiser?

The rising inflection betrayed that she wasn’t even completely sure what a cruiser was. 

One vodka and lime, bam.

Davesprite made the drink in two seconds, and slid it down the counter. It reached the edge and teetered obnoxiously, holding its own life ransom against Davesprite's pride. The class vanished in a flash of green, and reappeared in Jade's hand. 

Yeah I'll just stop trying that.

DAVE! OH GOD, DAVE! I'M DYING

John collapsed to the floor, clutching his throat. Davesprite shot straight through the counter to his side. 

Shit dude, fuck, is it your peanut allergy? Did someone put peanuts in the whiskey? Was it the clown? Di...okay, wait, is it just the feel of the alcohol? Because straight alcohol does that.

IT BURNSSSSSSS

John threw his arms up dramatically. 

Yeah, you're fine. Sit up and have an olive.

Davesprite reached over to the counter with his tail and scooped up a few olives, then popped one in John's mouth. 

Why would you do that?

Is he okay?

He's fine.

Why would anybody do that to themselves?

Some people dig it straight. Other times you cram a straight one to get a head start. Come on, I'll pour you one with coke in it. How you feeling?

Everything from the mouth down burns and I want to punch you.

You can do that later. How's yours, Jade?

It's...interesting.

She took another sip. 

It's kind of growing on me.

Excellent. Let me just grab my own thing.

He passed back through the counter, and poured John another drink before drifting back over to the drinks cabinet. He ran a scaled finger across the glass of a couple rows before settling on a certain bottle with an affirmative tapping of a claw. "That's the best thing about new game plus, knowing where all the best stuff is hidden. He took out the bottle and shut the cabinet again, then handed John his whiskey and coke. 

Wait, aren't we meant to do the glass thing?

John paused, his glass held a stubborn inch from his lips. 

Oh yeah, I guess we can do that. What should we toast to?

A safe journey?

Getting out of this whole mess in one piece.

To drinking with all our friends at Dave's bar.

Heh, you're really set that thing, aren't you John?

Alright Egbert, I can dig that. To everybody, and I mean everybody, meeting up at my shitty bar.

Davesprite popped open his bottle and raised it. John and Jade clinked their glasses against it and then each to others, and all three shared an impassioned gulp of their beverage in full camaraderie. 

Oh wow that's so much better with the cola.

John stared at his glass in amazement. 

So what are we gonna call your bar, anymore?

Anymore? John are you really drunk already?

Anyway, I mean anyway. My tongue just slipped, jeez. Ooh, I know- The Busted Ghost

Egbert, no. This is a bar, not some ye olde tavern in a setting written by a person with no clue of historically appropriated regiolect. I don't want hobbit Nickelback and vampire Harry Potter showing up to have a nocturnal bruncheon with witchalok Johnny Depp. Get it together.

Jade snorted a laugh, and took a two handed sip of her drink. 

You could have just said ten whole name ideas in that time, you silly pigeon.

I'm a crow thank you very much, but I'm sure all birds look alike to a dog like you. Do I look like Chinese KFC to you?

Davesprite turned his nose up dramatically. 

Is that your bar name then? Chinese KFC?

Christ, Jade, no. Why do you guys keep coming up with ideas that risk copyright?

Davesprite took a swig of his bottle, and wiped his mouth on his arm. 

You're driving me out of business with all these lawsuits.

Well how about 'the impolite crow that shoots down all my cool name ideas'

John prodded Davesprite in his feathery chest, making the bird-boy flinch. 

Wow, okay, sorry for having discerning taste. Although you could be on to something, the feathery asshole that came before me could make a cool mascot, like Noah and his albatross.

Davesprite smoothed down the orange feathers of his breast with his clawed, scaly hand. 

Um, I think you're mixing two different stories up, didn't Noah have doves? I think the albatross was someone else.

John scratched his cheek a little, then took a deep breath and began gulping down the rest of his drink. 

Woah there, Egbert, you are allowed to take your time with those. You can't just drown yourself and pass out in the first inning; you can have another drink in an hour and not a minute before. And if Noah didn't use an albatross, then he was a fool not to. You have any idea how far those suckers can fly? Now where was I? Oh yeah, bar name. Right, I shall call it-

Davsprite puffed up his chest. 

The Feathery Rambunctious Asshole Fermentory.

Jade quietly sipped her drink with a hum. 

Oh god, no! That was awful. Hang on, let me try again.

Davesprite took another swig, and gave a throaty exhale. 

Alright, The Rampunctious Seppucrow, how does that sound?

Hey, just what are you drinking there anyway?

John eyed the bottle in Davesprite’s avian hand. 

I'm not completely sure, some sort of mix of Applejack and Curacao triple sec, or something.

Davesprite peered at the unmarked bottle through his shades. 

All I know is it tastes like fruit made of lightning, the captchalogue code is PCHa0H54, and for some reason I can use it to alchemise boondollars. No really, this shit's practically legal tender somehow.

That doesn't even make sense.

I know, but who am I to tell big blue-and-white the rules of this conksuck game. If skaia wants to give me the option to put my chicks through college with nothing but the booze off my back, then who am I to refuse?

I don't believe you. You're just making that up.

Yeah, well when I'm living it up off fruity beverage banking, we'll see who caws last.

Jade offered her rebuttal in the form of sticking her tongue out with a jeer. 

Yeah that's what I thought. Look at me; I'm so rich I'm drinking my fortune away.

Davesprite gulped down another mouthful from his bottle. 

You got one bottle, dude. Some fortune.

Oh shit I think that was the company retirement fund. Only embezzlement can save me now.

Davesprite took a small mouthful, gargled it a few seconds, and then swallowed it. 

It's no good Davesprite, the backers are selling their stocks like hotcakes. The company is going bankrupt.

Nooooo.

He gave a cry so flat it exemplified a postmodern art movement. 

Corrupt bootleg liquor empires rise and fall, but Davesprite lives on. Once again I am just another hungry bird on the phone pole of capitalism, but one day I will shine again.

Dave clenched his fist, and looked up, trembling, towards the heavens. After a moments consideration he wet his finger in his bottle, and dabbed a little by the corner of his eye to emulate a single, strong tear. 

Oh sweet fuck! Oh fuck that stings. Whyyy?

He flew over to the sink, bottle still in hand, turned on the tap and splashed water under his sunglasses. 

Pfffffffft, are you okay dude?

Yeap. Nope. I'm fine. Just a little blind. Also pain. No really, I'm cool.

He shook his talon-like hands dry, pushed off the sink and drifted backwards towards the other two. 

I wonder what cool new movies are waiting for us in the new universe?

John pulled down a tuft of his dark hair, and watched it spring back into place. 

Wall Street Five, Men in Black Fifteen, Pirates Of The Caribbean Babies: The Animated Film. If we're lucky, the dramatization of the Friedberg and Seltzer Murders. Oh please god I hope we're lucky.

Hey, Date Movie was funny

You think Ghost Dad was funny. Your opinion is disqualified. I swear, sometimes its like you see jokes no one else does and don't think to ease our suffering from these horrible movies by sharing them.

You can't such talk over a perfectly good movie; it ruins it for everyone else.

You're allowed to when the movie is awful to begin with. I swear you've enjoyed movies so bad they'd leave a normal person ruined for marriage. Look at us.

Davesprite put his arm around Jade's shoulder and pulled her so their cheeks mashed together. 

Look at me and Jade, see the trauma in her trembling green eyes? When are you going to take responsibility, Egbert? The baby is maladjustment and you're the father.

Dave, I-

Shhhh, no words. Only alimony now.

Oh, so that's you're game, eh? It's all about the money with you. You just want a kickstart so you can get back to climbing the industry ladder. Well forget it

Stop! Stop! You're tearing us apart!

Jade threw herself between them, or at least tried to. Her foot slipped on one of her hood's tails, and she fell face-first on the trasportalizer with a crack. Jade vanished. 

Uh...

Jade reappeared, rubbing her jaw. 

Who even put that thing there?

She whimpered in a half-growl. She paused, feeling something sticky down her chest 

OH GOD DAMMIT I SPILLED MY DRINK!

Her clothes quickly absorbed the fluid, but her class remained empty in her hand. 

Cool it Jade, I'll fix you another one right up. Let's not throw the biscuit

What biscuit?

I dunno. I'm not even sure if that's a phrase.

Davesprite reached for the vodka, soda water, and lime cordial bottles on the counter with his tail, and brought them over. He deftly mixed another drink, and gave Jade her glass back. 

So you did this a lot, huh? Mixing drinks, I mean.

Not much else to do. Go out, quest or just murder things, come back, mix drinks and talk shit with Rose.

It sounds kind of relaxing.

Davesprite fought to keep his expression from souring. 

It wasn't. When I stopped, I thought. And all there was to think about was how dead the two of you were, and how doomed Rose and I was. Back then, alcohol was just a distraction, make things go faster. Just another way of making time my bitch.

Ah shit, I'm sorry I said anything.

John took his glasses off for a second and rubbed his brow. His face was lit up sunset red from all the drinks he'd had, and Davesprite tried to figure out just how much he'd given the boy between those two glasses. Four standard drinks? Five? Too many too soon for his first time drinking. 

Nah, it's okay. You didn't die this time around. At least I didn't completely fuck up everything twice. Things got hot for a while, but I didn't drop it. We made it through.

And everybody else is waiting for us on the other side. Just two more years and we can see them.

John smiled. 

Yeah...two more years.

Davesprite shivered a little, making his feathers rustle. He took another swig, and pushed his shades back up where they'd started to slip. 

So what do you think the others are doing on the meteor?

Pissing Karkat off, whatever it is.

He can be such a stupid dork.

A bit rich, coming from you don't you think Jade?

Don't make me chase you. You wouldn't like me when I chase you.

She's right, she slobbers everything, and she does this weird wobbling growl thing like a wet engine, it's kinda creepy.

You too, John?

Because of you, I got a face full of cat slime.

Kinky, Egbert.

Oh shut up Dave. I'll have that next drink now.

It hasn't been an hour yet, but alright.

It had been an hour and a half, and Davesprite knew it. His claws clicked against the class as he poured another whiskey and coke, making it intentionally weak. 

Here you go.

Thanks. Wow, this stuff really tastes better the more you drink it.

Easy there, Egbert. That's just your tongue waving a little white flag and giving up. Don' go thinking everything becomes delicious if you keep at it. But still, keep at it.

They kept drinking till even Davesprite lost track of the time, and he wasn't snapped back to attention until Jade fell face-first onto the transportilizer and vanished. 

There she goes again.

John laughed, and sent a splash of his drink to the floor. 

Some I should...probably go check on her.

Davesprite coughed into his fist, and touched his tail against the device. He reappeared in the hub cave, as it had come to be known by him alone in times that no longer existed. Jade was lying belly up not half a meter away, and snoring in a high whistle. 

Hey. Hey Jade, you can't sleep like that. What if you're secretly a huge bitch and drowning in your own spew counts as just?

She gave a halting snort, and rolled onto her side. 

Come on it’s way too cold in here. Hang on then, give me a second.

Davesprite put one arm under her legs, another under her arms, and lifted her up bridal style. 

Lay off the doggy treats, you're getting pudgy.

She gave a disgruntled snarf in response. 

That's what I thought.

He carried her through the lab, to the noxiously pink room of his ectomom, laid the girl beneath the covers of the cat decorated bed, and tucked her in. Davesprite glanced left and right to make sure none of the wizard dolls were looking, and kissed the sleeping dog girl on the forehead. 

Happy squiddle dreams, you big dork.

He patted her hair, more for his own reassurance than hers, and returned back to the bar-with-a-view. The place was a bright as ever, being of a land hewn from light, and illuminated by the harlequin green glow of the trans scratch voyage. It still felt late. 

Jade alright?

She's fine. Sleeping like a doggy chasing foxes. I bet she's kicking her little legs right now.

Haha, that's kinda cute

John slowly rocked back and forth, holding his drink glass with both hands. 

Hey Dave

Yeah?

In case I forgot to say, thanks. For everything I mean. You've been through a lot and I... don't ever think I don't appreciate, yeah?

Oh fuck, Egbert, I-

Davesprite rubbed his eyes, trying to work out what he even wanted to say. 

I'm sorry if I snap at you sometimes it's just,

Too drunk to trust himself to fly properly, Davesprite pulled himself towards John arm over arm like he was giving swimming lessons. 

Jade died, Egbert. You died. I had to live with that for four months. You don't even seem to care. Like you don't get how much you mean to people. I just-

Davesprite ran his nails through his hair. 

I can't take anymore. I can't lose anyone else.

Davesprite stared at John, and seconds passed as the heir sat, too dumbstruck and drunk to speak. The crow boy scowled, and threw aside his shades. John's distant gaze was broken by the sight of his eyes, orange as a warm fire and half focused in near panic. 

Nothing else seemed to properly get across everything he was feeling, so Davesprite held John's shoulders as gently as he could, and pulled his lips against his own. It was almost chaste, he didn't even try to force his way into John's mouth, he just held their lips against one another as long as he dared. After just two and a half seconds, he dared no more. 

Dave, this-

Shut up. Jesus christ please shut up. I can't stand it. None of it seems real. You treat me like the other guy and that just makes me feel fake. I sleep, and dream of all the dead lands where I couldn't save you. I wake up, and some day's I'm just convinced you're a happy illusion put here to break me,

Dave, I'm not-

Don't say it. Don't say it like I don't know it because I do fucking know it, but I threw my lot in with a rap tap tapping, motherfucking rapping corpse of a crow, I gave up my legs and my identity for a feathered ass, scales on my hands, and a fucked up birdgina so that if nothing else, I could at least see everybody one last fucking time. So please, just for tonight, while we're both to fucking drunk to know better, pretend like none of that other just matters, and let me feel like we're both fucking real for just one fucking night.

He held his face against John's chest, and panted heavily in slow, deep breaths. 

What happens didn't even, if you want. We can wake up in the morning, joke about how wasted we got, and laugh about how we don't remember anything after Jade crashed, but please, just, fucking, -

The words ran out again, so Davesprite pressed his lips against John's once more. His reply came after four painful seconds in the form of John's outstretched arms coming down to hold his back, rather than shoving him away. The boy's mouth tasted of four kinds of sugar on top of the liquor.

I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. Just, close your eyes and pretend I'm Rose or something. Rose wearing a big, feathery scarf. That's totally believable, right?

Davesprite shook his head, and shut himself up by burying his face in John's neck. 

He ran his avian fingers through the boy's dark hair, and tried to focus on the way it felt like water in motion, frozen in time. He held onto the feeling, and tried to carve it into his memory's stone. He ran his other hand under John's shirt, and stroked his back with his nails as gently as a weaver. His skin was as soft as an overstuffed pillow, like if he pushed a little harder and broke he skin everything would come spilling out. Davesprite took a shuddered breath, and pulled his hands away. Murky clouds of ink clogged his brain, obscured the next four steps he vaguely remembered he was supposed to do, so he threw them out. He placed his avian hands beneath John shirt, against his sides, and slid them down. When he came to them, he hooked his pinkies inside the hem of the boy's blue pants, and pushed them down. He exhaled an overheated breath against John's thick, flaccid penis, and hastily convinced himself it was just whiskey dick. His hands hovered back and forth uncertainly over John's crotch, hesitant to put their rough texture against his sensitive flesh. Instead he wrapped his arms around John's waist, bare from his shirt being pushed up before, and took John into his mouth. He felt like fire against Davesprite's tongue, and when the bird boy moved his head the first time he slipped out with a wet pop. It was crude, slobbering slip, and a thin string of saliva trailed from Davesprite's lips to John's slightly twitching penis. It took all his floundering willpower not to turn tail and run, to instead hold tightly onto the boy's waist and put him back into his mouth. He breathed in deeply around John's penis, and closed his lips around the base in a tight seal. He dragged his tongue along the heir's length, and swirled it around his head and tickled the spot on the underside where the glans met the shaft. He had no clue or method, just did whatever occurred to him to do. John let out a whimper, and started to swell up in Davesprite's mouth. Encouraged by the response, he tried gently pressing his teeth into the base of John's shaft, and slowly dragging up along his growing length. 

S-shit,

John grabbed Davesprite's head with both hands and tried to make him move faster. The feathered boy happily complied, letting his hands guide his speed as he sucked down on John's fast hardening cock. John didn't seem to notice the way he was pulling on Davesprite's hair, but even that carelessly cruel reciprocation was comforting in its own way. Each tug, pull, and painful yank was another gesture that wasn't pushing away or apathetic obligement. John's dark pubes tickled his nose every time John's dick brushed the back of Davesprite's throat and the bird boy almost wanted to laugh, if his best friend wasn't balls deep in his mouth. His ghostly tail whipped around in excitement, and he could feel his own body becoming aroused, a slow, steady burn gathering around his groin. John was completely hard in his mouth, his jaw was getting saw, and he had his own desperate needs aching to be taken care of. He fought against John hold on his head, and pulled himself away from John's crotch. His whole chest heaved as he panted, and every breath burned. 

Are you okay?

Fine, just, don't want to spend all your money on horse d'oeuvres.

Davesprite threw his arms around John, kissing his chest and neck. 

Still got the, main dish.

He couldn't dare himself to look John in the eyes. 

May I?

John brushed his hand through Davesprite's feathers, and stopped just above the matted patch of wet feathers below his waist. 

No need to be a gentleman with me.

Davesprite bit his lip when's John brushed over his hidden cloaca. 

Oh, oh fuck

John's fingers were soft, so much softer and more delicate than Davesprite's clawed, scaly talon hands than made masturbation near impossible. When John stuck a single finger inside Davesprite nearly blacked out there and then. He let out a strained moan, and slumped over John's shoulder. 

It's so warm. And wet.

John pushed his finger in to the third knuckle, his voice somewhat distant. Davesprite squirmed, and he did it again, before pulling it out and peering at the digit, now covered in a film of bright orange fluid. 

It smells kinda funny.

Davesprite shut him up with a gentle nibble to his ear. 

Please,

The bird boy whispered, his voice husky and aching with need. 

Hurry

John placed one hand on Davesprite's back, and used his other to part the feathers hiding his wet cloaca. He peered through his glasses with half-focused eyes. With a risky three finger drunk gesture, he pressed the head of his dick against Davesprite's hole with his thumb, while using the other two to keep Davesprite's feathers parted. Before the bird boy could squirm, and ruin his careful alignment, John grabbed hold of his waist with both hands and pushed him down. 

peep

Davesprite breathlessly gasped. He shuddered at the raw, unfiltered feeling of it, which cut straight through the alcohol. He had never felt so full before in his life and never thought it possible from what meager experimentation he'd tried in the quiet hours of the voyage. He held onto John with both arms like he might be flown away at any moment. His ghostly tail found John's hand on his side, snaked into his grasp and wrapped around his arm, and when John's fingers relaxed a little the tip intertwined between then. When he felt Davesprite finally start to relax, John started to thrust. There was hardly room to move, the way they were sitting on the ground, so it became more of a hunched humping, full of short, fast, jerking thrusts from both of them that felt like scratching the best itch in the world. Davesprite gulped and gasped, struggling not to lose his breath, but John quickly fell into a comfortable rhythm of throaty panting. He smelled like an endless meadow and a lamp of sweet oil and alcohol as harsh as shaving cream and Davesprite never wanted to let go. He squeezed the boy's hand with his tail and moaned exactly as loudly as he wanted to because he didn't want to hear the wet sounds his birdhole made as his best friend fucked it because he might never get that sound out of his head again. He squirmed and bucked his legless waist and part of him felt ashamed that he couldn't manage to find a musically pleasing rhythm as he was experienced being fucked in the cloaca for the first time. He buried his face in John's neck because he couldn't remember where his sunglasses where and he didn't want to be seen crying as he came from being fucked in his freaky birdgina by his drunk best friend. 

Don't go. Don't go. Don't ever leave me alone and don't ever die. You're a god. You're allowed to do that. Right?

But his voice was muffled and his mumblings went unheard against John's neck just like he knew they would. Orange fluid splashed all down John's dick and over his thighs. Since Davesprite had stopped moving, John held him by the waist, and started rapidly pumping him up and down like a living cocksleeve Davesprite's voice caught in his throat. Everything felt like fire and storms, he couldn't see straight, everything was spinning, and his comprehension stumbled to go any further than the fact that John was fucking him. He was bounced up and down and it felt like he was flying, and he was filled with hot iron and for one brief, treacherous moment he thought everything might turn out okay even though- 

It started with a grunt when John came, and rose into a boyish cry. He buried his dick deep inside of Davesprite, and spilled rope after hot rope of thick, slippery cum far into whatever compromised as the spriteform's anatomy. Everywhere inside him that it fell felt like a bonfire, and Davesprite suddenly felt far too heavy. He stroked John's hair with his clawed hand, and they stayed like that for a while, joined at the hips, and without a sound but their asynchronous breathing and the sound of Dave's hand in John's hair. Some minutes passed, and John let out a quiet snore. 

Davesprite carefully untangled them, unentwining his tail from John's hand, and pulled himself of John's softening dick. He laid him on his side, pulled up his pants that would be clean by morning, and with his sprite powers conjured up a crow-patterned blanket for the boy. 

With John put to bed, Davesprite stood up in the air. His crotch ached, and felt warm and wet. His whole body convulsed when he realized what he felt was John's cum tricking out of him. He gagged, and flew straight outside, phasing through the wall and not stopping till he reached the waterfalls edge. 

Davesprite threw up. All the alcohol still in his stomach plummeted down the rainbow waterfall, followed by all the cake he'd had at the party, and when he had nothing left he hacked up mouthfuls of bile. He shivered, and took a deep, halting breath. He was scum, unforgivable, selfish and disgusting. He could live with that. Until John decides to say something, what just happened didn't happen. He could live with that to. 

With those thoughts on his mind, Davesprite headed back to the house to begin cleaning up. If he was going to fool Jade he'd better start now. 


End file.
